Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE.... |
(funny joke, eh?) |
Skins comes over to watch a movie, and also to "school" us boys on how to make a proper beverage (she's been reading about all this beer, and thinks we need some good ol' straight-up booze. First... start with a bottle of your closest vodka. Not the closest "tasting" to vodka, just the one closest to you. |
Next, poor in another bottle of vodka. |
Oh... I think you're catching on. Waaaay ahead of me. Okay... after the third bottle of vodka (and leftovers from those Grey Goose flavored vodkas) you may fill with additional vodka to taste. |
Next, add two ounces of water. |
Pour water/vodka mixture into big plastic tub that holds twice as much. Now fill the new tup to the top with more vokda. |
Do NOT look into its eyes... it is a trick... it will trance you and eat your pug brains if the power ever goes out!!! It is written, and thus it is so. |
Now stir. If you have a skinnie doing the stirring they may get winded after lifting the heavy plastic spoon. Try to have a fattie on hand to do the heavy work. |
Test first on animals. If they do not die, then... |
... sample some yourself. If it taste good up to this point, take away the samples you gave to the test pugs to drink for yourself. |
Next, get that old container full of ice (that you were storing for Hurricane Rita) and bang the crap out of the sides to loosen the ice. |
Now, put your nasty skinnie paws ALL over every single cube of ice (especially after petting the pugs and not washing your hands) so that your friends can choke on the dog hairs. |
If any ice decides to bail ship... |
Send in Mr. Fuggs to investigate. |
Now, secure the lid before shaking. Again, skinnies may want to get a fattie to take care of this heavy lifting and shaking... after all, we wouldn't want to break off one of those Lee's Press-Ons. |
Now proudly display your new drink mix to everyone. Don't let go, or a fattie will snag it. |
Skins samples the final mix and plays "smash the ice boats into each other with my super-black attack straw" while doing so. Oh, what a creative mind! |
Skins then pets the pugs and fills them in on the secret to really good home-made popcorn. |
but first, a quick ballet lesson for Mr. Fuggs (my poor turning-gayer-by-the-minute pug). |
One of two words Skins loves. |
The second of those two words. |
The secret? Purchase popcorn with a butter packet that heats with the popcorn. |
Now, empty the contents of the popcorn into your favorite bowl (or the cleanest one you have). |
Remember that butter packet? Now's the time to whip it out!! Squeeze it, baby!! Squeeze it like it's the house that almost got away in the divorce papers!! |
Now mix. |
After a good buttery-goodness popcorn mixing, all skinnies know that you must wash the butter off your hands before eating the popcorn... which has the butter on it... which will get back on your hands as soon as you eat it... which... oh, nevermind. |
Skins demonstrates the proper technique for using the sideways sit-n-squeeze bottle of Dawn (still in beta-testing phase). |
NOW it's time to pour a small sampler cup of the new booze drink. |
... and pour... and pour... and pour.... |
Ain't nothing better than sitting on a skinnie's stomach with your nasty butt all over her brand new white shirt (good going, Pugita... here's your treat!!) |
Pugitta quickly gets removed from butt-on-shirt privileges... as you can see she's very hurt. |
The PWF (Pug Wrastling Federation) championship has begun. With Skins calling all the 'foul play' shots it's looking like a good lineup for tonight's match. But before the battle can even begin, Pugitta goes in for a snort-n-hack vice grip on Mr. Fuggs. |
So Skins, being that she is a magical witch, turns Pugitta into a bucket of popcorn and a vodka drink. |
Pugitta thinks that story was a bag of horse-pucky. She's not buying the whole "witch" story at all. Wouldn't you agree, Mr. Fuggs? |
I like eggs. |
Finally, after scarfing down a whole bowl of buttery-goodness Skins is ready to watch a movie. |
But wait... what's this? NAIL POLISH? For the Pugs? Those poor beasts have no clue. |
As far as they know it's just another random object to sniff. Poor stupid pugs. They don't realize that Skins has been planning this moment for some time now... waiting... watching... for the correct time and place to paint some pug nails! |
Like fat miniture cows to the slaughter the Pugs gather 'round the bright red nail polish... not realizing that the only thing set to save them on this night will be another power-outage courtesy of Entergy Power. And then... BLAM!! The power goes out. |
Right about the time I whip out our emergency flashlight kit (still ready from the Rita non-hurricane) the light reveals Faberge performing a move he recently perfected in the mosh-pitt of the 2005 REO Speedwagon/WHAM! Reunion Tour concert! |
The Waz laughs. Not because of Faberge, but because he is The Waz. And that's what Waz's do. |
A quick high-five and Skins is now ready for her close-up. |
Whitness said close-up. |
But soon, in the darkness of the living room, Skins is overtaken by "the hunger" and decides that some tasty pug brains is just what the doctor ordered. |
Fortunately, the lack of a brain has little-to-no-affect on Pugitta. |
Since the power didn't look like it was going to come back on for some time, we decided to head on off to BW3s. Here we see Skins making her final "back" adjustments before the wings-intake-fest. |
Poor Skins... she wants to be cool like the rest of us, but no skinnie can compete with the madhouse power eating of the fattie wing king. |
The Waz orders a beer, orders some wings, ordrers a NTN game box, but unfortunately doesn't order any style, class, cool clothes, or a new wig. |
Faberge is just happy he's not a lab monkey. |
At the other end of the BW3s bar we see a cameo appearance by the lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots. |
Skins tries to distract us from her inability to keep with a decent wing-count by a fasinating wrastling match between two seasoned potato wedges. |
Time to bask in the glory of a good potato wedge fight gone right. |
Here we see the real trouper at BW3s. The NTN game system... which allows us all to play games against each other, such as Texas No-Hold'em, up on the television screens. This also happens to be Faberge's favorite television show. Someday maybe he'll learn the truth. |
The bartender is still in shock at Skins potato-wedge wrastling performance. |
The Waz shows off his new face fuzz, complete with 180 pounds of attached useless flesh. |
After BW3s we head back to the house, and Skins takes off with her father's vintage camera equipment. Yes... it is a shock that such a skinnie can lift such heavy objects. |
Unfortunately, upon learning of Skins departure Mr. Fuggs goes into a sad state of shock. Poor Mr. Fuggs. He just doesn't realize just how close he came to getting his little pug nails painted. |